.png)
In 2015 I was in chronic pain.
That pain was caused by tension.
That tension was caused by stress.
And that stress was caused by my constantly trying to change myself and my circumstances.
I felt, very strongly, that I should’ve been doing/thinking/feeling some things and NEVER doing/thinking/feeling other things. And I’d tied my self-worth to these ideas so deeply that I had no idea any of it was even occurring—it was just ‘how things were’… It was just ‘me’.
For example, I spent almost all my weekends working as a musician. I’d drive hundreds of miles, haul my drums in and out of venues, play very hard and very fast for hours at a time, then return home in the small hours of the morning. Then I’d feel guilty for being in bed late on a Monday.
Or I’d feel worthless as a British millennial male who wasn’t having casual sex every weekend. I was in denial of the fact that I was, actually, acutely aware of the risks—I could think of nothing worse than getting a stranger pregnant. And I was in denial of the fact that I didn’t even want to go there. I’d always been someone who craved deep connection, but my culture told me that was weak. So I identified as weak; incapable; unattractive.
I stressed over how little money I had; how I wasn’t getting all the gigs I wanted; how I couldn’t live up to my father…
And since you’re a human being, yourself, you’ll know that even if I kept giving examples until this post reached 30,000 words, that would still only the tip of the iceberg. We are trained, all of us, to terrorize ourselves with the thinking mind thousands of times per day. And our way of doing this comes down to one simple mental process: judgement.
We don’t only judge things ‘outside’ of ourselves, but also ‘inside’ of ourselves: we judge—so quickly that it seems automatic—all of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. And we judge almost all of them to be ‘bad’ or, in some way, ‘not good enough’.
How many people do you know—who haven’t dedicated themselves to spiritual practice or therapy—who can honestly report that they’re content in themselves? Of course, we must account for the vast number of people who are in denial—as I was—and therefore might lie about this. So let’s phrase the question differently: how many people do you know who can sit without stimulation for even 5 minutes? I could barely have made it 30 seconds before I found the teaching I now represent. But when I did, everything changed…
I remember walking through my hometown one night in 2016, shortly after I’d begun speaking with my first dharma teacher, who lived as a Buddhist monk for 8 years. I was observing my thoughts when, suddenly, a thought occurred in reference to another: ’it’s okay to think that, I said to myself. And I really felt it. I accepted the preceding thought as it was. I don’t remember what that preceding thought was, but I remember that in the moment I accepted it, it seemed to peel away like a layer of an onion, revealing a deeper, related thought. So I applied the same, ’it’s okay to think THAT!’
This went on for perhaps 3 or 4 minutes. Layer after layer of conditioned thinking was ‘peeled away’ in the light of acceptance. I was stunned by how much suppression I’d been engaging in habitually. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I walked through my familiar neighbourhood, feeling less and less like a product of it and more and more like a guest—no longer bound by the memories I’d previously attached to the landmarks I passed.
I became aware of the vast amount of energy I’d been wasting on trying to control my thoughts. And wondered why I’d ever been so afraid to let them simply run their course. I felt as light as a feather. For the first time I could remember, I was free of stress.
The coolest thing about this, looking back, was that I’d not engaged in any strict, formal or intensive meditation practice. I had experimented with various techniques, but far more important to the experience I had that night was the insight I’d been gaining not just through sitting, but through moment-to-moment mindfulness and, importantly, through conversation with my teacher and contemplation of what he’d said. I’d not attended a single meditation retreat. I did not have a strict regimen of practice. But I was keen: I was dedicated to finding a genuine solution to my problems. And so, on that night in my hometown, I experienced the fruition of my sincere investigations into the nature of mind.
This fruit is available to you too, friend. It is your birthright. Any and all conscious mental processes—given that they are, indeed, processes—are optional. It may not seem like they’re optional, but whether or not you trust me or the millions of practitioners before me or even science—which is now measuring and confirming what I’m sharing with you here—the most important thing you can do is test what I’m saying in your direct experience.
Consider: where are you making efforts to approve or reject what occurs, whether ‘inside’ or ‘outside’ yourself?
Where are you judging, interpreting, labelling, describing things as ‘good’ or ‘bad’?
And did you even choose these judgements yourself? Or are they a product of your culture?
How would it feel if, just for a brief moment, you could rest from all that mental work and just be?
This is the invitation I will make to you again and again. Whether you take me up on it today or tomorrow or in 10 years time, I don’t mind—I’ll still be here, posting every single day until you’re ready.
With love from my sofa,
dg💙
P.S. If you want to find out where you're at in your spiritual journey right now, the first thing to do is take my 1-minute quiz. Afterward, I'll send some advice tailored to your current position. Finally, I'll offer you the opportunity to connect with me personally for a casual chat. Here, we'll look deeper into how things are for you, and see if I can help you more directly.
.jpg)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
%202.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
.png)
